风雨哈佛路

世界在转动，
你只是一粒尘埃，
就算你消失了，
地球仍然转动。
现实是不会按照你的意志去改变的，
因为别人的意志更强些。
生活的残酷会让人不知所措，
于是有人终日沉浸在彷徨迷茫之中，
不愿意睁大双眼看清形势，
不愿去想是哪些细小的因素累积起来，
造成了这样的局面。

为什么不能是我这种人？
他们有什么特别之处？
是因为他们的出身？
我尽力拼搏，
不让自己沦落到社会底层。
如果，如果我更加努力呢？
我现在离那层膜很近，触手可及，
（老师：这需要努力，但不是不可能。）


我希望能和别人平起平坐，而不是低人一等。
我希望能去哈佛，接受良好教育，读遍所有好书，
于是，我情不自禁的想，
我是不是该发挥自己的每一分潜力呢？
——我必须成功，别无选择。

每天起床，我看见的世界上的每个人，
都好像都披著一层膜，无法穿透。
这种感觉很奇怪，有点悲哀，可是没有办法改变。
这些人的动作举止，为什麼这麼不一样？
是不是因为，他们来的世界就是这麼不一样？
若是这样，那我要更努力、更努力，把我自己推到那个世界去。

  No matter what you think about the situation you're stay comparing with the one you most admirring, there's just a piece of paper between them. Fortune, status,fame and all those things just can be achieved only under you unmoveable faith.

  Both of her parents were drug takers, her mother, schizophrenic, being blind and died of AIDS not long after, had been taken care of as the baby, but not converse. Misunderstood by her grandpa and forsaken by her papa, she was always living in the hopeless world of violence, ill-treating and spiritual disorder.

  "Every getting-up," she said:" I watch everyone in the world on their faces, I feel they are sheltered that none could get through, it seems strange and sad but unchangeable."

  Unexpectedly, she never lost her faith when confronting all those but sticking to schooling. After her mother was gone, she went to the private high school, for which she thought that she would be being further with the slight in-comes by doing washing dishes along with her algeorithm.

  She did it and got chance to have a visit to Harvard, after which she made up her mind to try her best to become the one here and become a real new person that would be completely different foretothen.

As the successful stock broker Chris ever said:"If you have a dream, then protect it. Never let someone else to say that you can not." She went on and got the scholarship from the New York Times for paying the cost in college, for which she had been in her elder sisiter's overcoat and her worn-out inside during the interview.

  For not sleeping and not quitting and not shrinking from the pain all around her, she never lost her aim under poverty and helpless, as brave as she could be, Liz Murry is the strongest girl in Harvard.

http://bulaoge.com/topic.blg?dmn=vanillayard&tid=305766#Content

Murray 的故事被搬上大银幕. 感人肺腑~
刚才看完Murray April 6, 2005 在DePauw University的演讲~她的坚强 乐观 让我感慨并会一直记忆犹新


Liz Murray在DePauw University的演讲实录 　
　　
　　April 6, 2005, Greencastle, Ind. - "It's not about Harvard, it's not about a prestigious school," says Liz Murray of her incredible and uplifting life story, which she shared with an audience at DePauw University tonight. "It's not about that. It's about learning, about educating yourself and gathering enough knowledge to find your way through any little crack or crevice you possibly can so you can move up and escape from that trap you were born into."
　　
　　The 24-year-old Murray, who went from living on the streets of New York City to winning a scholarship to Harvard University, delivered The Timothy and Sharon Ubben Lecture, "Homeless to Harvard: A Remarkable Journey," in Kresge Auditorium of DePauw's Performing Arts Center. Working without notes and addressing her audience from the edge of the stage, Murray detailed how she was born to drug-addicted parents, and how as a child, living in squalor, her parents and everyone she knew was living month-to-month on government checks.
　　
　　 "I didn't even know that people worked when I was younger, 'cause you have to think about -- what does a kid seeing when they're little. I saw that people cashed welfare checks... they were happy to see the mailman, he was like Santa Claus or something or some celebrity -- and we'd go to the check cashing store and there would be a line wrapped around the block for an hour-and-a-half" on the days checks arrived, she remembered. Her parents would spend the bulk of the money on drugs; about $30 a month was all the family of four spent on food, and Murray's parents would go without food for several days at a time.
　　
　　Despite the tumultous environment in which she was raised, Murray says she has always loved her parents. Her life, already in disarray, unraveled quickly when her mother was diagnosed with HIV. Her mother moved out, her father went to a homeless shelter, and Murray, then a young teen, was sent to a group home. Her unpleasant experiences there led her to run away and she lived on the streets of New York City, eating out of dumpsters and sleeping at friends' houses or on subway trains, but in her own words, "going nowhere." The year Murray turned 16, her mother died, and her view of life changed.
　　 "I got the sense that my life was in my own hands," she told her DePauw audience. "And I knew that already, but it's different when a parent dies; maybe some of you know what I mean. You look around and strangers become more strange, big institutional buildings look scarier, everything looks more alien, nothing is friendly. There's no person to think about yourself through. It truly is yourself in the world, and that's it. I realized my own isolation and I realized there never would be somebody to kind of filter me in the world. And I went back with my friends, and without having her to think about anymore -- I mean I did, but not the same way -- I sat with them and I realized that I had been falsely relying on my friends. I realized that, at the end of the day, whatever I did or did not do with my life would stick to me, even if I hung out with them."
　　
　　Murray, whose story is chronicled in the Lifetime Emmy-nominated movie, From Homeless to Harvard: The Liz Murray Story, enrolled in an alternative high school at age 17; when most of the people her age were graduating, she was starting. Guided by an understanding teacher/mentor and fueled by a desire to make something of her life, Murray finished high school in two years while still sleeping where she could find a place to lay her head at night. When she visited Harvard on a school trip, a seed was planted. Murray applied for a New York Times scholarship and was one of six students selected out of the thousands of applicants. A story profiling the scholarship winners was published on the cover of the Times' metro section.
　　
　　 "I really didn't understand the power of the media before that, but I found out," Murray said with a chuckle. "You know [that] New Yorkers have this reputation for being really cold, right? Well, the readers of the newspaper came out of their houses around [the school] and brought me sweaters and clothing their kids weren't using anymore. Some lady came just to give me a hug! Another came just with some cookies, then she said to me, 'I don't have any money, Liz, but I have a stationwagon and a house. Do you have any laundry?,' she asked me. 'I just want to do your laundry.'"
　　
　　Murray's story was featured on ABC's 20/20 and she was a guest of Oprah Winfrey, becoming the first recipient of the talk show host's Chutzpah Award. Murray transferred from Harvard to Columbia University to be closer to her father, who is ill. She had been studying film, but after talking about her experiences in front of audiences around the nation and the world over the past few years, [Download Audio: "Reaching Out" - 175kb] "My interests broadened because I realize that I have certain insights based on what had happened to me, and I had this opportunity to share with people and go back-and-forth and maybe draw some meaning out of it." She now has her sights set on a masters degree in sociology and psychology hoping to "understand what creates motivation in a human being and how to apply that in society. Is there a way to create upward mobility? Is there a way to break class differences?," she asked. Murray's ultimate goal is to create a coaching and seminar company that will work with groups, perhaps specializing in inner-city schools. [Download Audio: "The Future" - 66kb] "Instead of just speaking about my life, I want that to be a footnote, and I want to offer strategies to people."

我为什么会哭？这取决于是一部怎样的电影。

首先我觉得这并不是一部励志电影，故意演的凄凄惨惨，赚足观众眼泪，然后把一切挑破了告诉你：看，世界上还有这么惨的人，她比你惨吧，父母双亲都吸毒先后染上AIDS，生活无以为继乱成一团，被收容机构强制带走出来后又无家可归。一对比，有了心理安慰，然后腔调一转，立志一把，大声疾呼“她惨成这样都可以上哈佛为什么你不可以”？
其次有人说它是一部戏剧化的电影，拿哈佛，每个人心中的名校情节当成卖点，心目中的精英概念和无家可归的落魄偏偏不靠谱在同一个人身上出现，为了戏剧化而戏剧化。但Liz Murray本人站在片场客串一把，饰演那个冷面的带走liz的女官员的时候，足以把一切戏剧化和虚假的评论打碎。
明确的是，这个案例只是个例并没有共性。爱开玩笑的上帝不怎么会在现实生活中把糟糕到底的生活和去往哈佛的光明之路同时留给一个人。但是这并不妨碍许多人在观影之后有所感悟。不是为了比惨，也不是因为怜惜，更不是因为看完片子决定洗心革面重新做人。我哭，是因为它刺痛了我内在沉睡的羞耻心。

我无意悲天悯人，或是用他人的例子来自我贬损。我的羞耻感不来自情境的比较，而来自对于自身更清醒的认识。我羞愧地感到，自己十多年来并没培养出一些足以走向成功的品质，比如坚毅，比如坚持，又比如在紧要关头努上一把力。两年来我和这部电影的关系还不浅。一次次地被推荐，一次次地重看，反思自己，自身的局限还是让我感到羞愧难当。
第一次被推荐看这部电影的时候是两年前的冬天，一堂SSAT作文课学生吵闹，研究生在读的女老师很无奈，于是她自顾讲到了一些话，最后不知道为什么讲到高中留学生眼界的局限，接着老师说道，以前有一个天真的小姑娘在课上跑过来告诉她，“老师我觉得世界上都没有穷人的”。顿时她觉得有点恶心，于是告诉姑娘，你应该去看看homeless Harvard。
说这番话的原因估计是最初阶的“比惨”，试图告诉小姑娘，世界不是你想的这样，不是let them eat cake就真有蛋糕吃的。这个老师，这个姑娘，这个我的豆瓣第一个好友，自身的故事虽没有liz那么直线跌入谷底却。也算是跌宕起伏。她让我知道，人不会被钱难住的想法多么浅薄，钱，真的能逼死人。亲情和前途，也是两难。
她傲气，她清高。她不喜欢笑，笑起来却很好看。去年她考G的时候还和我有些联系，告诉我她讨厌的表姐去了哥大商学院，吝啬小气的姨妈容不得她，也不肯借给她一分一毫。如今声讯渐无，我不知道有没有来美国读博最终实现自己的梦想，估计是没有的，因为8月她的一个新学生不知怎么的还找上我和我联系，述说对她的爱慕。也不知道她现在怎样，在哪，是否还迷恋ACG，是否还给每一任学生讲她的故事，是否在一个姑娘送她一幅漫画的时候，还刻薄地说一句“腿画的真畸形”。但每次看到电影封面liz坚毅瘦削的脸蛋，与之相反总会想到那个姑娘略带婴儿肥的脸，笑起来的那一双酒窝。

可事实上我并没有立即看这部影片。年中的时候暑热，自己休学gap在家，名义上读英语，实际上颓废的无以自拔，才把这部片子翻出来看。
观影时候的哭点有几个。liz妈被抬上救护车，liz妈去世liz跑到天台上捂嘴哭泣，还有一个是liz参观Harvard校园。最后一次哭泣，大概是因为看到她从修罗地狱，终于来到了和天堂一线之隔的人间。当她觉得梦想触手可及的时候——这时候看电影的我，前途却暗淡无光，不知道方向到底在哪。
于是片子结束之后我把自己反锁在屋子里哭了整整一个小时。羞耻心第一次被刺痛。那时候种种原因，我就像一个陷入沼泽就要被淹死的人，无耻又无赖地寻求一根幻想中的浮木能将我救起，理清我乱麻一样的生活，带我腾云驾雾从此凭借我的“聪明才智”，发奋图强，最终怎的牛逼。擦干可耻的眼泪，这片子明确地告诉我，没人能救溺，你以为能带你游上岸的人说不定会拉你一把让你淹死。不管是情感依托，好友，还是伯乐，都是可遇不可求。唯有自救，自知，自省才是出路。
那时候片里的liz并不让我喜欢，甚至有些不真实——我不明白为什么她对自己的母亲，自己的家庭毫无抱怨。片头她和她母亲长长的谈话我总是跳过。母亲的细节，会刺到我的其他痛点。

此后是长长的一年。我经历了诸多变革，梦想破灭，重组，直至今日。
今天学校英语课又放了这部电影。我是第七次看，美国的孩子们第一次看，觉得片头drug精神分裂什么的很可怕要求不看，我才觉得这些才真正是不经世事的孩子们。看到liz的妈妈药物作用，双手颤抖身体僵硬地被抬上救护车，liz扒着车门不愿意放手，我习惯性擦擦眼睛。这时候我看到英语老师也擦了擦眼睛。
这个英语老师是一个快60岁该退休的老教师。犹太人，胖胖的很和蔼，每次我和她打招呼的时候都会很亲切的微笑，整个人就像一个美国苹果派。她很喜欢我，每次把考卷发下来总会说，哦我真希望教室里坐满象你一样的学生，这样我就不用再操心头疼了。我整理起碎片的信息，拼起来的她大概也是一个早慧的学生，15、16岁上大学，勤勉优秀，和律师结婚，育有一儿一女都让他们接受私立中学最好的教育，耶鲁杜克双双毕业，如今事业成功，她本人也子孙满堂。
难不成她也哭了？
下课后我和她简短地谈一谈。果不其然她说，每一次看她都会哭。她的早慧，并不比片中的liz要差多少，她事业家庭都十分成功，背后付出的努力可想而知。她无理由感到羞愧。
但她说，我真的觉得很惭愧。并不是说我一定要live her life才能怎么样，而是我做不到，换了我我做不到。不仅做不到她的勤勉，也做不到她的宽容。哭不是因为touch，不是因为move，而是一种难以名状的感觉。我觉得liz身上有现代青少年缺乏的东西，这种东西不好概括。


我点点头。勤勉和坚韧，都不足以概括。封面上的liz回头狠狠的一瞪，每一次她都看穿了我，也让我看透了一点点我自己。

——————————————

原刊登于《大学指南》，转载请注明作者。