寻找艾米

好象总是有人拍莫名其妙的电影，当然也有人看莫名其妙的电影。
比如[猜情寻]
比如我。

三个人各奔东西的结局，让我有点莫名其妙。
当他说他是个同性恋是，我在想，这到底是男同电影还是女同电影？
竟然有人在视频的留言栏里说“没有做爱镜头不爽”。
显然那是位需要视觉刺激者。

嘿，莫名其妙的电影和我等莫名其妙的看电影人。

又看了一齣90年代電影的DVD——Chasing Amy。記得公園仔在公國和MTO裡已經先後提過此片幾次。自己當年沒有看過﹐那個年頭﹐大概連誰是 Ben Affleck 也完全不知道吧﹖小本經營﹐沒有甚麼卡士﹐而且英文片名難以歸類的電影﹐要我掏腰包看實在不容易。不過﹐如果當年知道這電影在香港上映時譯名為引人入勝的「猜．情．尋」﹐我大抵會乖乖購票入場。

其實這個譯名放在甚麼愛情片都可以﹐愛情路上﹐誰沒有尋覓過﹖誰沒有猜度過﹖不過﹐看完電影﹐最想說的是男女追逐﹐很多時都有猜拳的感覺﹐你每一步都沒有必勝的把握﹐萬事都有與其相剋的東西﹐是勝是負總要看對方的對策。粵語把「剪刀﹑石頭﹑布」的猜拳叫做「猜情尋」或「包剪揼」﹐其中「包」是布﹐「剪」是剪刀﹐「揼」是石頭。我邊看這齣電影﹐一邊就不斷在想這個中文譯名﹐與電影主題的關係﹕情人的過去﹐你應該計較嗎﹖

看了100分鐘﹐終於讓我領悟到﹐電影的總結是﹕應該出 「包」——包容的包。

片中 Ben Affleck 將本是 Lesbian 的女友 Joey Lauren Adams 追到了﹐他能夠接受她與近年與多位女子的關係﹐卻接受不到她十年前曾經一次同時與兩個男人發生關係。當然﹐這是他個人的性觀念問題﹐其實人越大﹐越來越難以計較伴侶的性經驗了﹐今時今日的開放社會﹐如果不對此放開一點﹐包容一點﹐還是諸多計較﹐也許就得孤獨終老了。有段戲是他倆討論甚麼是 virgin ﹐還討論到此字的定義與 penatration 的關係﹐對白很露骨﹐但也很真實地探討到﹕如果情侶之間的性觀念有分歧﹐又不努力拉近的話﹐關係不容易長久。但成年人此等觀念根深蒂固﹐要徹底改變﹐其實談何容易﹖

Stannum 業餘評分﹕棧棧棧棧棧棧棧棧（十個棧滿分）

原文來自個人網誌﹐各位如有回應﹐請到原文留言﹐謝謝﹗
http://blog.cosine-inn.com/2006/02/274/

she是个同性恋而he循规蹈矩
碰巧的成为了朋友
碰巧的he发觉自己爱上了she
"I never regret this"

一起玩掷球，一段快乐的时光
直到20年的朋友
让he清醒些，he和she不可能有关系的
争吵下
he承认自己in love with her

在一次饭后，she和老板讨价还价，送he一份礼物
"Because it's captured the moment
Make no mistake about it,my friend.it is a gift from me to you. So you'll always remeber us"
终于爆发了!
表白！
"You are the epitome of everything I have ever looked for in another human being."
黄天不负有情人，终于两人雨中拥吻。
故事到了这里以为是一个爱情喜剧

然而一日朋友指出she在高中叫做finger cuff，生活作风狂放，并非一直同性恋。在证实朋友的话以后，he陷入了苦恼，受到两个饶舌朋友的提醒知道了chasing amy的说法。

到这里我又以为可能男主角会不记前嫌，喜剧收场

可是我又一次错了!

男主角提出了和朋友，和she三人的关系（天哪），居然朋友同意了?!
正在心里暗骂这是什么片子的时候，she说出了一段感人的话，
说自己隐瞒过去是不想让he分享痛苦，因为she的经历实际上是痛苦的
直到找到了he，she才发现什么是爱。（感人啊，mm的必杀技）
但是she不是he的泄欲的工具，给了he一个耳光后，含泪离去了。

one year later。。。。。。
三人已各奔东西
朋友看he的眼神十分迷离，眼随人动。
he和she也当然相遇了，he给了she一本漫画——chasing amy记录了他们的故事
结尾向she道歉。
she满含泪光目送he离开，生活就是这样无奈，he is just someone of the past.

影片终于结束了，可是没有看懂，也许没看懂才是正常的吧，毕竟I am a normal person呵呵。
爱情是永恒的人类主题，到底什么人是Mr./Mrs. right，影片的角色抛开了性取向，以免错过那个相伴一生的人，可能过于极端。但是对于常人来说，如何面对情人的过去却是个经久不衰的话题。

"You turn out to be I was looking for
the missing piece of the big puzzle.
Sorry I let you believe you were the only guy I'd ever been with I should have been more honest"

本为了买自尊而甘愿玩火，拿真爱做实验。从始至终都是男人自尊之类的所谓被刻板好了的俗套，放纵自己，连告白也是。为了不让自己被电影框住，我也跳出来思考了下。当时我第一反应是被他的真诚告白感动，但，女主角的话又让我上了个台阶俯瞰这份单向的大雨一样的倾诉：义无反顾但具有一定强制与压迫，强制你听进去，压迫你改变自己的本来自由生活，就是束缚你，，到头来就是因为两个字：
　　自私。。。。
　　靠！！！！
　　本确实被框住了，呆板，顽固，死守大家的价值观。天生的殉道者。
　　米利最成熟。为了找到真爱走过的路比谁都多，但找对了好似不难，不难在不用确认对方，但也难，难在一直要守护着它。而最能损坏它的就是自己的过去伤害到保守又以经验不足为耻的本的自尊，过去像预想一样之后，一番吐露令人心动。

小本在车里那一大段的表白真是令人屁服，不知道揉进了多少经典爱情故事里的精华。还有那让人喷饭的建设性解决问题的创意，足够出彩！可惜不喜Alyssa那嘶哑的声音。。
那首歌是Joey Lauren Adams - Alive，如果有人要找的话。。

True touch of life emotions. honest, raw, melodramatic, but its all part of life.

The movie deals things among friends, lovers and anything in between. How are we define our loving feelings towards another human being, how are we identify ourselves emotionally and sexually, how are we cope with one's past and what they are thinking about us.

True love is that hard to find, but when we find it, we try everything on it, we question, we test, we doubt, we wonder. It is human nature, we want to vindicate over and over again, that love is unique, is pure, is never be touched by anyone. I guess we just want to feel special, but we are special, with or without. Love is powerful, but lovers can be damaged for good. When we desperately seek equality and balance in love, it tilts unexpectly to the other side.

There are two kinds of people in the world, 90% is narrative, about one tenth are episodic. When I say narrative, it means people are affected and shaped by what they experience, something in the past can change someone's character; while episodic people don't believe past things can change them, they see their past and future separately. Maybe Alyssa is an episodic, but that doesn't mean people look at the way she thinks everyone looks at her. It partly explains why she falls back to her own way in the end.

Love is easy, loving a person is never easy (apart from living with one). We are sometimes forced to confront their issues past, present and future, we get frustrated easily. But the power comes from within, that willingness to take on that person wholly and completely, believing that he/she is really the missing part of the puzzle, and accepting the aching truth that he/she's done something you don't want to acknowledge.

Next time, when love comes along, don't hesitate, don't question, just enjoy the company of another soul that really gets you.